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Please can we bloody ban airbrushing?
I was so thrilled to be asked to shoot the Cover of Virgin Magazine, and even more thrilled to hear they were keen to honor my request for no airbrushing of my face or body. This means a lot and is a desperately important stance to take in honor of the 10’s of millions of women (at least) who struggle so much with their self image, due to decades of impossibly demanding body standards being inflicted upon us, and false imagery being used to subliminally manipulate us into a feeling of (needless) disappointment in ourselves.
It’s something I’ve been asking for since my career began 10 years ago. I only sometimes get my way, but I will never stop campaigning for it for these three reasons:
1 It is done in the name of “fantasy.” What message does it send to women (and men) everywhere, that a “fantasy” female is normally only ever one who is impossibly long, and thin, with flawless (and normally lightened) skin, with a thin face, a small nose, large lips, big eyes, and no wrinkles ever, at any age. Why can’t the fantasy ever have some back fat? Or be in a wheelchair? Why can it never be unsymmetrical? Why can it never show the dignified and important lines of a life lived and survived? What is that one, constant, “flawless,” doll like fantasy telling all normal women everywhere? That we are not to be fantasized about? We are excluded from the desirable group? We are the rejected? We didn’t make the cut?
2) The dishonesty of it. There is no mention of alteration, so we are left with the manipulative subliminal messaging that someone else achieved the forever pre pubescent “fantasy” but we can’t. We have failed. Her breasts have been plumped, her legs lengthened, her skin smoothed. But all in secret. It’s so dangerous to put these images into the world of women who themselves often do not even meet the requirements, without the help of a computer, and say nothing of it. There should either be a detailed declaration in small print of the features altered, or we should see the original image and celebrate the humanity and reality of the subject and her photographer. Who frankly, may as well not bloody be there if a computer is doing all the work. Where is the dignity in it? For anyone involved?
3) It is offensive TO ME. To be airbrushed, which is never even discussed with you beforehand, is not a kind act. It’s a passive aggressive attack. To see a simulation of myself, a “flawless” version that I myself could never reach in reality, does not make me feel flattered. It explicitly informs me that I was not good enough on that day. Or on any day. What I am, must be covered up, altered and hidden from sight, or else people shall find me harder to look at. When magazines have in the past altered my ethnic nose to look more caucusian and button like, or lightened my skin… I feel racially offended. When I see that my cellulite and stretch marks that I spend my every day with have been deleted, it makes me feel bad about myself when I see them in the mirror. A feeling I didn’t want or need, which I then have to fight and dismiss in the name of feminism and basic bloody humanity. I am human. I have lived. I have been through a lot, and some of those things have marked me, and I do not feel shame about those things, I do not think someone else has the right to make me feel I should.
Airbrushing is not supposed to be used for anything other than removing a stain on a wall behind the model, or maybe even a single hair out of place that ruins the shot. To use it to alter a face and body, to sell a lie to women, which will more often than not hurt the way in which they see themselves, and could well lead to a possibly unhealthy lifestyle in order to achieve the prototype you made with your computer… is a crime against an entire gender. It’s unacceptable. And it has to stop. “Perfect” imagery in magazines hurt me as a teenager, and made sure I never felt good enough. I don’t want to be a part of that for someone else.
If I look tired/wrinkled, or chubby, then I look tired/wrinkled or chubby, Let my worth as a grown woman who has many parts to my existence live without shame for this. If these pictures that will come out of me on this cover repulse you, then what does that say about you? Because it says absolutely nothing about me.
I had a fabulous time shooting for Virgin, with a talented team of artists, and I look forward to seeing what we made together.
Jameela x
What we need to learn from the Aziz Ansari clusterfuck
This is not actually an article about him, the claw, or anything to do with the night in question that we are all reading about this weekend. I wasn’t there. We haven’t heard his account, and so I have no right, nor inclination, to comment.
But it has indeed sparked an interesting conversation about consent, both technical and more importantly, emotional, and how vital it is to read the room and make sure the other person is not just willing, but damn well enthusiastic. Especially, in my opinion, if that person is the one to be penetrated. You want to enter them. You best ensure you are a welcome guest, not someone who just begged, pressured, guilt-tripped or harassed their way inside.
There are men I know who are respectful and patient in sexual scenarios, who I daresay are actually turned off if a woman isn’t very obviously enjoying herself. These men are sadly the exception, not the norm.
Our society has mislead men. We have allowed pornography to continuously promote that narrative that a woman is a hole for a man to enjoy when and how he feels like it. Very rarely is a woman’s needs paid much/any attention to in porn, and when it is, it’s often illustrated as the woman just happening to enjoy whatever the man does, even if she doesn’t at first, without fail, she always comes round to his brilliant idea, and is the good sport we all hoped she would be.
A lot of pornography is dedicated, quite literally, to the thrill being how much a woman literally didn’t want to have sex at all and how he did it, really violently, anyway. What is going on?
Then we have music videos where the girls are always practically naked and performing rehearsed dance routines for the men, who are sitting there on their arses, sometimes in outdoor winter layers, doing nothing other than enjoying their needs being met.
Then you have music lyrics which went from, “Try a little tenderness,” to MURDER THAT PUSSY. BEAT THAT PUSSY UP. PUT THAT PUSSY IN A TOASTER. SHRED THE PUSSY AND PUT IT IN THE BIN. THROW THE PUSSY OUT THE WINDOW. FLUSH THE PUSSY DOWN THE TOILET.
(Poor old pussy having a terrible time.)
Our society, the internet, and even our most mainstream media, constantly perpetuate the idea that men do not need to worry about what our needs and boundaries are. They just need technical consent, however that consent is acquired.
CONSENT SHOULDN’T BE THE GOLD STANDARD. That should be the basic foundation. Built upon that foundation should be fun, mutual passion, equal arousal, interest and enthusiasm. And it is any man or woman’s right at ANY time to stop, for whatever reason.
We also need to reassure women that their fear of being thought of as “difficult” “awkward” or god forbid, “frigid,” should be completely eradicated, effective immediately. These are stereotypes created by the patriarchy, about women, to rather astonishingly, douse women in shame for feeling ownership over their own bodies and moving at a pace they are comfortable with. If you think that he won’t call you again because you weren’t ready to meet his sexual needs on his schedule, then HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH. Women have traditionally been taught to please, to placate and to avoid embarrassing a man. This has to stop, and it has to come from us. If a man asks you to put his penis in your mouth, and you don’t want to, but you do it because you want him to call you again, you are doing yourself a disservice and have to accept some responsibility. If he is not actively pressuring you, but you feel pressured by his eagerness, desperation, or the fear of his disappointment, then it is frankly on YOU to say no and act in honour of your needs. (Obviously in a situation where you feel in any danger at all, this is a completely different case.)
It is fairly modern for women to be allowed to choose who they marry. It is very modern for women to be “allowed” to have casual sex. It is extremely modern for women to ask to have their needs met and for that to be considered an achievement for a man. WHAT EVEN IS FAKING AN ORGASM? What does that say about women’s attitudes towards their role in the bedroom? “I’m going to congratulate him for something he didn’t take the time or make the effort to do?!” Women’s magazines forever, constantly writing about “how to please him” Very few men’s magazines with titles about “how to give her the orgasm of her life.”
The subliminal messaging is thorough and it is constant.
If a woman is not enjoying herself thoroughly, throughout your entire sexual engagement, and is not delighted about all the things your are doing together, then STOP. YOU ARE FAILING. This should not be your idea of fun. This is not sex. This is just a wank, you are using another body for, regardless of her needs or desires.
Women must learn that “no” is a right, not a privilege.
I hope one day more young women in the public eye, in music videos and on instagram, use their platforms, when being sexual, to promote a balanced approach to arousal, one that promotes pleasure for both parties involved.
I hope men stop singing about putting pussies in blenders and making Pussy humus out of them, or whatever.
I hope the men (who don’t already) actually realise and come to terms with the fact that porn is a bullshit fantasy and learning sex from pornography is like learning how to drive from The Fast and the Furious. A terrible idea.
And I also hope men start to understand one day, that women have been oppressed since the beginning of time. We are only just starting to find our voices and demand equality. Do not abuse our conditioning to bend to your whims. Especially in the bedroom.
“erm…Ok” shouldn’t be encouragement enough for you.
You can and must do better.
thinandlow